Chapter Thirteen

STOP SHOUTING!!!! PLEASE.

This chapter is dedicated to my sisters. They are strong women who have dealt with what life has dealt them and still made a life.

Have you ever seen a movie in which someone gets the power to stop time and the noise of everything around them? Don't you wish you could do that?

I don't know about you, but I have been shouted at since the day I was born. My parents shouted at me for existing, and my siblings shouted at me for competing for attention, food, and warmth. Society shouted that I was not wanted and did not belong. I hate loudness, noisy places, and aggressive people. I intensely dislike the mode they put me in, and they ooze anger.

So, how do you get the world to stop shouting at you? Your television shouts at you, as does your radio. The expectations of society shout at you, and your basic needs of shelter, food, and clothing are constantly at you. You are shouted at by fashion, the latest trend in movies, music and books, and philosophy. Or, are you a person so lost in all the noise that you have never learned to hear yourself, your soul?

Either way, our design has created a need to be heard, a need for silence so we can hear ourselves. There can be too much silence, just as there can be to much noise. Where is the balance? For, when it comes down to it, is that not truly what one is looking for?

Let me ask you some questions. Are you a creationist or an evolutionist regarding the beginning of things? What is your foundation, your philosophies, your belief system? How deep does it go, and why do you accept it? Have you defined these things in yourself?

I am not out to convince anyone of anything. I deal in black and white while trying to learn shades of grey. I deal in logic while trying to understand good emotions. I wish for life instead of existence. I wish for peace while knowing life can require a warrior. I wish to learn to think right so I can be right.

First, I had to learn to get past the noise.

Have you ever been in the woods by yourself overnight? Even if it was a campsite in a park. It gets dark quickly and light early. Ever notice how the noises of the day are more friendly and acceptable while the night noises become strange, scary, and unknown? The imagination can run quite wild. Yet, if you learn to be quiet for a moment, you can start to separate the noises as to their origins. And the thing that always struck me funny is that some of the louder noises come from smaller creatures.

I would sooner be in the woods than around people, yet life demands that I be around others. Although we can live alone for periods of time, we are not meant to live a solitary existence. We are designed to be with “others.” The degree will depend on the person, their personality, and their abilities.

We need to be part of the fickle creature called society. With this must come the realization that whenever more than one person lives in a given space, there must be laws, boundaries, and rules. The larger the population, the need for more laws and the pressures of society can become great. In this comes “bureaucracy,” which is the logistics of population control.

Society is simply the habits of dress and social ways in a given space in history, including the present. Society may cause laws to be made; for example, bathing suits are beach clothes, so one is not penalized for wearing them on the beach. Yet, on the street or in stores, such clothes would get you in trouble with a ticket, and you would be refused service in the stores. Yet, in other areas, society's rules of yesterday are not applied today.

It is ironic that many will bend and twist themselves to meet society's rules and totally ignore the law or rules of the land. Now, this is just my personal opinion based on my research of human nature. Yet, I believe it is because people desire (need) acceptance and approval from their fellow man. It is why people join the military, a group, or a gang. They wish to belong, to have a family, and to be accepted.

Societies' rules are obvious to follow, and it is noticeable if you do not. On the other hand, following the law is a choice instead of a drive built in man to belong, be part of, and be accepted. Belonging is a considerable drive to man. It drives the “food, shelter, and clothing” issue. It drives the need for money, where we go in society's circles.

Following the law is a choice. I choose to obey the laws of the road when I drive, not to be a thief, and to be honest with my income tax. No one sees me as I make these choices. Yet, whether it is an inbuilt drive or a choice, allowing the world's noise to dictate your character is death. Death of self, of the gift of life as an individual.

I believe in creation. I believe that there was a designer Who sat at His drafting table and had fun designing His creation. I believe that everything designed has a point, a purpose. I study everything, although I may not understand everything in depth. As I study, I can only marvel at the design.

Pick a subject, understand its definitions, rhythms, and sequences, and see the pattern. Incredible!

I have “mental deviations,” as I like to call the problem. My deviations are not chemical shortages in the brain. My deviations came from life from the day I was born. There was great violence of any manner: verbal, physical, sexual. There was great hunger and great cold. Absolutely nothing good was poured in, only great pain, great loneliness, great holes, great devastation. A psycho was made. A person without any good emotion, cold-hearted, analytical, a logical person who thought in only black and white, an absolute survivor who thought only of self and survival. Because nothing was put in, thoughtlessness ruled, and the moment ruled.

One becomes a chameleon, picking up the colour around them and showing the same. We have modes instead of a personality, the rule of survival instead of character. We learn to use our mind, our words, and our body as a tool of survival rather than for the proper use. Everything gets warped.

WARPED: to cause to deviate from it's original design.

This is how psychotic people are made. Did I understand what I was? Yes and no. Yes, when I am older, no when I am younger. No psychotic person knows they have a problem till it causes life to be so unmanageable that they have no choice but to face it. I never verbally admitted I had mental deviations till I was well past fifty. That is not to say I did not see dysfunctional behaviour in myself before that. I would not admit to myself how deep it went.

It was not until a pastor asked the question. He would not have asked the question if I had not had to describe what was preferable in the situation: to do the pictures in my head or say some unkind words to my husband at that time. Do understand that I am quite capable of doing the pictures; I still have little conscience on my own.

I see these pictures outside my head. It started in foster homes when I was raped and abused in various forms. I have come to think that the pictures were just a way of dealing with life when you can do nothing to change it. The wrongness always causes great anger and rage in whomever it happens to. There is a great sense of injustice born in the individual, yet, for the individual, there is no justice.

When I described the pictures, the pastor said, “Do you know where most people who are like you are?” I said, (and I was very honest and sincere in my reply), “Walking down the street?” At which he said, “Try the psych wards and the prisons.”

It had never occurred to me that I was not being common to my kind of brain. I have not been to jail, I have never ended up in a psych ward although I was sent to many psychiatrists when I was in foster homes. That experience taught me that their studies were worth spit in the real world. They had no desire to know what had and was happening to me. They were clueless people who thought they were intelligent. I have an intense dislike for that kind. I'm not saying the people are bad, just that their way of looking at humans is.

Everything is theory. Each follows their own opinion as to which theory is worth following. They have no real answers, just lots of fancy words that say nothing. They make an “illusion” of thought. “if you look at it like this, then you can live with it.” It does not heal or cause balance in the person. And to boot, if they actually could do anything worthwhile, they would not have long in their chosen career because they would end up with no patients. It is to their benefit that people are sick.

The same goes for doctors. Yet, even though they do not always know what to do, they can help in some ways. If anything, Freud discovered that people needed to talk about their lives. People needed to learn to connect the dots. As far as doctors go, they are learning, and people are not totally prey to diseases.

Everything operates on a formula or a behaviour pattern. Humans run on behaviour patterns. There are only so many combinations of behaviour that man does. So, learn the patterns, and you can better understand behaviour.

Who, what, when, where, why, how. These are the beginning words of research. These are the things we wish to discover. To learn to live around “others, understand what to listen to, understand how to “be” have. You need to learn to separate all the noises that shout at you. Once you understand where the noises come from, you can understand the effect of such a noise. For all shouting and noise have a constant effect on us.

It becomes a matter of learning that when this happens, humans usually respond in this and this manner. Or, when such and such happens, the effect is usually this or that. The this and the that are such in life. “Others” choices have an effect on my life, for good or for bad.

Everyone has their own story of life as an individual. It is what you do with your story that will make or break you. For your story is you, and what you do with yourself is what, in the long run, is the effect of your story.

It will make you bitter or better; greedy or generous; respectful or abusive; gentle or angry; smart or stupid; good or bad; healthy in mind, physical or spirit or sick; owning oneself or giving the job away. There are more morals or not, for instance, but I think the point is made.

There are many subjects (aspects) to life. It can seem complex and overwhelming quite often. Yet, if we take time to ponder, study, and learn, then we can come to understand how to make our world a little quieter and a little easier to manage. When life is constantly shouting and all noise, then one cannot think and make proper decisions that are profitable for life.

So, first question. Who?

Your answer will depend on what you believe in. Are you an evolutionist or a creationist? Do you believe in mythology or fact? Do you inquire into what you think so you understand the depth of it, or is it just a surface belief? Many do not consider it, as there are many fence-sitters.

I believe in Creation. There was a designer, a blueprint, a point, and a purpose to the creation. Plant and animal life were created to “be” in a particular manner, so they behave as they should. The heavens, the stars, the planets, and the galaxies all “be” have as they were designed to. It is only fallen angels and men who do not “be” have as they were designed to. Hence, all the noise.

Everything is out of order, warped.

WARPED: to cause to deviate from the original design.

In this way, I can come to terms with what I was born into, what life threw at me and what I threw at myself. Many of my choices and understandings put me on a wrong path, and since, CONSEQUENCES FOLLOW BEHAVIOUR. Some of my

behaviours and choices of where I put myself caused very violent consequences. I must learn to separate what was done to me and what I did to myself.

So, Who is the Designer, and what did He do? What was the original blueprint? How was man intended to live? What happened that things got warped?

The Bible explains everything. You have to read, study, and research it to understand it. Remember, you are basing your life on believing in creation, a Designer, and a blueprint. So, should you not learn how to read the blueprint?

There is only so much to a subject. Man was designed to live in a particular manner. Just as a cow is a cow, a horse stays a horse, so man was designed to be man. There can be a variety of species in a particular family of plant or animal life, so to it is with man. Not only are we individual beings, we can also look different. With conscience. We were designed with a mind to be who we are, physically capable of specific things and a soul to connect with God, our Designer. By the Holy Spirit, are we in balance?

If I believe in the Bible, I must believe all of it, not just the parts I can accept and understand. If I do not, then I will not believe in the Bible.

God created man and was teaching man what his job was, how to learn to think right and to understand the point and purpose of their life. They were covered in and filled with God's Spirit. Man was created to have constant fellowship with God.

Lucifer in heaven rebelled against his point and purpose and was cast out of heaven along with one-third of the angels. On earth, he is called Satan, and he caused Eve to doubt God's Words and commands, and she ate the fruit. Adam took it without hesitation.

Angels have a choice, and man was given a choice. Everything was set out in the beginning, just like the policies and rules of business. They are put in place at the beginning, and it will then set the tone for how things run

The word “school” is a Latin word meaning “leisure.” You have to have leisure time to go to school. It is a time of learning and preparing to go out and live, knowing who one is, what one's talents are, and how to be. Adam and Eve quit school to have their way, and history records the results of such a rebellion.

However, God did not plant us here and leave. He has always kept an active hand on man. In the fullness of time, as He sees it, He gave His only Son as an offering for sin. His Son, Jesus, did this willingly. The point of it was this: that if we so choose, we can again be filled with God's Spirit. In this, we again learn how to be properly balanced in knowledge, understanding, and ability to live right.

John 3: 16 tells me this.

FOR GOD SO GREATLY LOVED AND DEARLY PRIZED THE WORLD THAT HE [EVEN] GAVE UP HIS ONLY-BEGOTTEN (UNIQUE) SON, SO THAT WHOEVER BELIEVES IN (TRUSTS, CLINGS TO, RELIES ON) HIM SHALL NOT PERISH – COME TO DESTRUCTION, BE LOST – BUT HAVE ETERNAL (EVERLASTING) LIFE.

And yet life is still always my choice.

MY LIFE IS CONTINUALLY IN MY HANDS, YET DO I NOT FORGET YOUR LAW? (Psalm 119: 109; 59)I CONSIDERED MY WAYS; I TURNED MY FEET TO OBEY YOUR TESTIMONIES.

Life is choice.

As I learn to think right, (how I view life)
I will learn to act right, (what I do with life)
So I can learn to be right, (how I follow the blueprint)
Then, I can learn to filter what I hear and see;
And so reduce the noise;
And live a calmer, more sure life.

Everyone has their story. I can not change one iota of my story, how I reacted to it, and what I allowed myself to do. I must deal with the effects of my story and my choices. There is no turning back. The damage was done. The effects of the knowledge of good and evil are seen in history and everyday life. The effects of man living without God and believing in His provision to walk with Him are seen in the history of the world.

God is in charge. He has time for every human being in every moment of all time. He is in charge of time and the consequences of Adams's choice. His Son died for me so that I may be filled with His Spirit, to be taught how I was meant to live and to be the “best I was meant to be.” Life may have chewed extensively on parts of me, and the effects are apparent. Yet, there is life to be lived for as long as I have been given to live. What will I listen to?

The clamour of the world and all they profess to give. The clamour of society changes with the wind. The clamour of fashion, of technology, of lifestyle. The clamour of trying to make a living and the noise of our expectations. For what we think of ourselves, what we “should” be doing, what “should” have happened to us, what it “should” be like, and what they “should” do is our motivation, our gas.

So what is your gas? What motivates you? What do you think life should have done for you as opposed to what you have ended up with? Show me where it is written in stone that “life is fair.”

THE LOT IS CAST INTO THE LAP, BUT THE DECISION IS WHOLLY OF THE LORD – EVEN THE EVENTS [THAT SEEM ACCIDENTAL] ARE REALLY ORDERED BY HIM. (Prov. 16: 33) Amp.

lot:
H1486
גּרל גּורל
gôrâl gôrâl
go-rawl', go-ral'
From an unused root meaning to be rough (as stone); properly a pebble, that is, a lot (small stones being used for that purpose); figuratively a portion or destiny (as if determined by lot): - lot.

Disposing, decision:
H4941
משׁפּט
mishpâṭ
mish-pawt'
From H8199; properly a verdict (favorable or unfavorable) pronounced judicially, especially a sentence or formal decree (human or (particularly) divine law, individual or collectively), including the act, the place, the suit, the crime, and the penalty; abstractly justice, including a particular right, or privilege (statutory or customary), or even a style: - + adversary, ceremony, charge, X crime, custom, desert, determination, discretion, disposing, due, fashion, form, to be judged, judgment, just (-ice, -ly), (manner of) law (-ful), manner, measure, (due) order, ordinance, right, sentence, uses, X worthy, + wrong.

H8199
שׁפט
shâphaṭ
shaw-fat'
A primitive root; to judge, that is, pronounce sentence (for or against); by implication to vindicate or punish; by extension to govern; passively to litigate (literally or figuratively): - + avenge, X that condemn, contend, defend, execute (judgment), (be a) judge (-ment), X needs, plead, reason, rule.

When God created the blueprint, He made a decision. Everything was considered, and all consequences were accounted for. Because He chose to give man choice, the consequences of all possible choices were considered before He created. Nothing was an afterthought.

With this understanding, I can come to terms with being born into the world and the noise that I was.On this basis, I can allow myself to understand and accept what was done and allowed to be done to me. With this understanding, I can let go of the past and embrace the future.

O LORD OUR GOD, OTHER MASTERS BESIDES YOU HAVE RULED OVER US, BUT WE WILL ACKNOWLEDGE AND MENTION YOUR NAME ONLY. THEY [THE FORMER TYRANT MASTERS] ARE DEAD, THEY SHALL NOT LIVE AND COME BACK. THEREFORE YOU HAVE VISITED AND MADE AN END OF THEM, AND CAUSED EVERY MEMORIAL OF THEM [EVERY TRACE OF THEIR SUPREMACY] TO PERISH.(Isa. 26: 13,14)Amp.

I was born into sin, as was every human being. I was born with the knowledge of good and evil in me.

I can choose to accept and believe in Jesus and so become part of God's family again. I can choose to study and read His Word. It speaks of all issues about man and his history. It explains where people, nations and countries come from. While it explains where His people come from and what is happening, one can not forget that around them is the rest of the history of the world.

There are stories within stories, history within history, and worlds within worlds. Nothing is alone, the sea, land, or atmospheric worlds. Everything is woven in the same picture of earth, life on earth and man. And because man had a Designer, man is not alone.

Yet, the design has become warped. It has deviated from the original design, doing and using themselves and things in a manner that was not meant to be. And so the consequences of man's behaviours and choices have had great negative effects on themselves and their environment. God brings balance; He is balance because He is The Designer. He decided how things could, should, and would work. When you go against the design, you are in sin, rebellion against your design.

SIN: living outside the blueprint design.

Think of it in these terms:

Picture a huge Manor house with many back wings. It is built of huge blocks of stone. The shape is the shape. Within each wing, each area and each room has a designated purpose, solely to be used for that purpose. Time goes by, and the Manor is passed on to the children. The children may keep it the same at the beginning, but as time goes by, they start changing the rooms, how they are arranged and what uses they wish to put them through. Consequently, problems start arising with the structure, plumbing, heating and lighting of the Manor. After many generations, if one were to visit, the only thing originally left would be the outside frame. All within has been so modified that one could not conceive of the original uses.

Man is like that. He has lost the presence of God, the understanding of himself and where he comes from, and the understanding of his point and purpose. So, there is great noise and great confusion. If on the individual level, one does not know his point and purpose, then nations and countries will not. One can not govern or keep peace.

We must understand where we come from to know where we are going. Even a monkey has not lost their understanding of what they are about; just man. Trying to make things, anything, work in a manner it was not meant to. Be it work, money, sex, or government. Pick a subject of life, and man does what he thinks, not what he should. He lost balance because the Spirit of God is the one who brings the balance. For however you think, for whoever you are.

THEREFORE IF ANY PERSON IS (INGRAFTED) IN CHRIST, THE MESSIAH, HE IS ( A NEW CREATURE ALTOGETHER,) A NEW CREATION; THE OLD (PREVIOUS MORAL AND SPIRITUAL CONDITION) HAS PASSED AWAY. BEHOLD, THE FRESH AND NEW HAS COME! (2 Cor. 5: 17) Amp.

Creature:
G2937
κτίσις
ktisis
ktis'-is
From G2936; original formation (properly the act; by implication the thing, literally or figuratively):
- building, creation, creature, ordinance.

THINGS:
G744
ἀρχαῖος
archaios
ar-khah'-yos
From G746; original or primeval: - (them of) old (time).

ALL THINGS:
G3956
πᾶς
pas
pas
Including all the forms of declension; apparently a primary word; all, any, every, the whole: - all (manner of, means) alway (-s), any (one), X daily, + ever, every (one, way), as many as, + no (-thing), X throughly, whatsoever, whole, whosoever.

BECOME:
G1096
γίνομαι
ginomai
ghin'-om-ahee
A prolonged and middle form of a primary verb; to cause to be (“gen” -erate), that is, (reflexively) to become (come into being), used with great latitude (literally, figuratively, intensively, etc.): - arise be assembled, be (come, -fall, -have self), be brought (to pass), (be) come (to pass), continue, be divided, be done, draw, be ended, fall, be finished, follow, be found, be fulfilled, + God forbid, grow, happen, have, be kept, be made, be married, be ordained to be, partake, pass, be performed, be published, require, seem, be showed, X soon as it was, sound, be taken, be turned, use, wax, will, would, be wrought.

NEW:

G2537
καινός
kainos
kahee-nos'
Of uncertain affinity; new (especially in freshness; while G3501 is properly so with respect to age): - new.

How I was before does not have to rule me. What and who I let rule me will be what “keeps” me. How are you kept? If you are not kept by God, through His son Jesus Christ, by the Holy Spirit, then who is keeping you? Yourself, a partner, the world?

YOU WILL GUARD HIM AND KEEP HIM IN PERFECT AND CONSTANT PEACE WHOSE MIND [BOTH ITS INCLINATION AND ITS CHARACTER] IS STAYED ON YOU, BECAUSE HE COMMITS HIMSELF TO YOU, LEANS ON YOU AND HOPES CONFIDENTLY IN YOU. SO TRUST IN THE LORD – COMMIT YOURSELF TO HIM, LEAN ON HIM, HOPE CONFIDENTLY IN HIM – FOR EVER; FOR THE LORD GOD IS AN EVERLASTING ROCK – THE ROCK OF AGES. (Isa. 26: 3,4)Amp.

KEEP:
H5341
נצר
nâtsar
naw-tsar'
A primitive root; to guard, in a good sense (to protect, maintain, obey, etc.) or a bad one (to conceal, etc.): - besieged, hidden thing, keep (-er, -ing), monument, observe, preserve (-r), subtil, watcher (-man).

PEACE:
H7965
שׁלם שׁלום
shâlôm shâlôm
shaw-lome', shaw-lome'
From H7999; safe, that is, (figuratively) well, happy, friendly; also (abstractly) welfare, that is, health, prosperity, peace: - X do, familiar, X fare, favour, + friend, X greet, (good) health, (X perfect, such as be at) peace (-able, -ably), prosper (-ity, -ous), rest, safe (-ly), salute, welfare, (X all is, be) well, X wholly.

PEACE:
H3336
יצר
yêtser
yay'-tser
From H3335; a form; figuratively conception (that is, purpose): - frame, thing framed, imagination,
mind, work.

STAYED:
H5564
סמך
sâmak
saw-mak'
A primitive root; to prop (literally or figuratively); reflexively to lean upon or take hold of (in a favorable or unfavorable sense): - bear up, establish, (up-) hold, lay, lean, lie hard, put, rest self, set self, stand fast, stay (self), sustain.

There is a way to have the world, and it's ways to stop shouting at you. There is a way to understand what is around you and where it comes from. There is a way to have peace and guidance. To know where to put oneself. You have to choose to do it

Chapter Thirteen

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STOP SHOUTING!!!! PLEASE.