Chapter Four

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Letting Yourself See!!!!

                                
I should not have read the report.  I should have just sent it. I had been applying for a disability pension, and I had to pick up the file from the doctor.  I know I have mental deviations. They are as obvious as my feet (which are rather long).  You can not have grown up as I did, survived the Manitoba Foster system, put myself where I did and not end up with mental deviations.  I got warped.  And there are the physical problems.

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Yet to see it in writing with the labels they put on is a hard thing. Reading that they have no clue how to help you can really leave you in no-man's land—a place where you are neither fish nor fowl; you are undefinable. I looked at the words, yet will I not choose what the words can do to me?

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I call myself a Christian, and I believe greatly in God's Word. I have always understood that words have power, and God's Word has ultimate power. So, do I believe the words I read, or do I believe God's Word?

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The Hebrews came out of Egypt. God delivered them in a manner that is so obviously not of man, protected them with a cloud from the fierce sun by day, and kept them warm at night by a pillar of fire. In the day, when the cloud moved, they moved; when the cloud stayed, they stayed. They were provided food, guidance, and victory against their enemies.  

 

Yet, whenever a problem or situation arose, did they stop and admit who was in charge or acknowledge the things done? No!! They whined, complained, and desired to go back to bondage. They would not let themselves see!! By their choices, they kept their eyes blind and their ears unable to hear.

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The world (society) is bondage.  I was born to bondage.  Sexual bondage started the warp that really bent me in the long run. Hunger, lack of warmth, and physical abuse all made their own warps.

Never belonging anywhere will set you floating for the rest of your life if you can never find oars.  I became so callous, analytical, and chameleon that I had no clue what was up, down, right, or wrong.  I was tolerated and kept because I had value for someone.  They would tolerate my differences as long as I could remain more valuable.  

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The world runs like the shady side.  If you are of convenience to them, then you are of value.  Make money, and you are guaranteed to be tolerated.  Are you like the Hebrews, who, coming out of bondage, were so wrapped up in where they were coming from that they could not see where they were going?  The bondage was so strong on them that "en masse," they cried for the things and places of Egypt that they kept forgetting they were on their way to freedom.  Is that how you are?

 

I was, and most people from a hard background are like that.  Unless you know Jesus and have His Holy Spirit.

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I heard it in a movie, but it stuck.  "YOU GET SO WRAPPED UP IN WHERE YOU HAVE BEEN AND WHAT YOU HAVE DONE THAT YOU CAN NOT SEE WHERE YOU ARE GOING."

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I am not much of a movie watcher, but I am so glad that one came across my path.  Who cares what it was called? It is fantasy. Yet those words are true.  There is always a grain of truth in things, even mythology.  You have to be a miner and learn how to dig!

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Egypt is the symbol of the world. God brought them away from the things of the world, which were killing them, and prepared them for a promised land.  Yet, they refused to be teachable and were condemned to die in the wilderness.  They never got to change their clothes or shoes because they did not wear out.  It is the following generation that inherits and has the promise fulfilled.

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Jesus died for my sins; He is my deliverer.  I asked Him to cleanse me from everything that was not of His design. What did the world give the Hebrews?  Slavery, degradation, bondage, rejection.  What did the world do for me?  Slavery, degradation, bondage, rejection.  Why would I want their opinion, their judgement of me and my behaviour?  The world (society) created me but does not know what to do with me.  

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In looking for answers, I first needed to understand human nature.  Naturally, I started with psychology and sociology 101.  Basics.  Learning causes and effects from the environment, others, and personal choices.  Learning what are common responses from certain situations.  Yet, in all the studies, even in the second year, I noticed it was all theory.  There was no real understanding, just figurings.  I ceased to expect understanding from that direction.  I slowly understood the answer to it all when I became a Christian.  

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For in the day that I brought them out of the land of Egypt, I did not speak to your fathers or command them concerning burnt offerings or sacrifices, but this I did command them: Listen to and obey My voice, and I will be your God, and you shall be My people; and walk in the whole way that I command you, that it may be well with you. But they would not listen and obey or bend their ear to Me, but followed the counsels and the stubborn promptings of their own evil hearts and minds, and they turned their back and went in reverse instead forward. (Jer. 7: 22-24) Amp.

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We are not a people of little power.  I find it amazing how many wish not to know.  They have an idea of pixie dust to fix everything.  Of course life should be prosperous, I should fulfil myself, have my needs met.  Is not that how it is thought about?  My things, my wants, my dreams, my desires.

 

Yet, is it not my things that got me into trouble?  Is it not my things that lack power, make no difference.  Why would I want to keep that which I know and does not work for that which I do not know but will work?  I need to find out how to live it and make it personal and real in the living.  And when I do, it works one hundred percent of the time. When I do not, I pay the price.

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Your iniquities have turned these blessings away, and your sinshave kept good harvests from you. (Jer.4: 25) Amp.

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We are given the power to live good and productive lives and the ability to enjoy life.

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See, I have this day appointed you to the oversight of the nations and of the kingdoms, to root out and pull down, to destroy and to overthrow, to build and to plant. (Jer. 1: 10)Amp.

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Do you realize that true Christianity destroyed the Roman Empire and brought down the Vikings?  Rome, built on pagan gods and ways. Power crazy, lustful, degenerate.  Anything was done to get and keep their made kingdom.  Yet, they encountered true Christians who were not interested in power for power's sake but rather for the benefit of all.  Christians love and care for their fellow man, helping feed and comfort them. Healing and teaching for free, preaching that meanness and violence bring madness and heartache while love, God's love, brings peace, harmony and joy to existence.  How can a Viking want to rape, pillage and plunder if he has God's Holy Spirit within?  

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​In life, everyone wants to make a living.  We may dream of being this or that, but on the whole, we pick jobs because it is what we can afford to train for or just plainly what is available.  Not everyone is meant to be professors, doctors, or lawyers.  We need cooks, road repair people and mechanics.  Jobs exist because there is a need.  Some needs are large, and some small.  Yet, in it all, most are just trying to work, be a family, and take care of their business.  They are trying to live in their day-to-day worlds.  It is in this day to day living we need love.  Not only to get but to give.  When we are taught God's love, we deal with life differently than the world and in this difference is contentment.  

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We may only affect our neighbour and where we work, but it can make a huge difference. People feel the difference in our presence because it is a pleasure to their soul and a refreshing experience. They relax because they know integrity and accountability rest easy on your shoulders and in your person. 

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Jobs are done, work is accomplished, and peace reigns.

 

Rome was changed one heart at a time, which affected the population that did not change.  Vikings were changed one heart at a time, which affected the change of their culture even though not all hearts were changed.  Life is a choice, and what you choose to do with yourself will affect others.  As the Spirit of Christ dwells in us, we are changed, and it has an effect on others
around us.  If it does not, then we are not what we should be. No excuses, no justification.  We are just simply not doing what we ought to.

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If we are given power, what is it for?  To use for ourselves only, our wants, our needs.  Is not that the world's way?  I get mine, never mind anyone else.  Not so in God's way.

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I want you to think of something.  There was an original design. Although provision was made for man's choice, that was not the point of the original design.  Fellowship and living were the design!!  Think of this: you have the Spirit of God within you, and so do I.  We encounter each other, and maybe there is a situation. If both are leaning the Spirit's way, looking to deal with the situation God's way, then the situation will not end up a war. Peace, contentment, and even happiness are the result.  

 

Why?

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Because that was part of the original design! It was meant to work that way, with each person hearing, receiving, and doing things God's way. That is why we need the character of Christ and the fruit of the Spirit. We need a personal trainer,, and that personal trainer is the Spirit of God. Our personal trainer is going to shine His light on our land and give us the needed illumination to understand how to manage our land.

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You are the land, and I am the land.  We grow a crop for good or bad, to our benefit or not.  There is a principle involved and it is the principle of choice.

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My life is continually in my hand, yet do I not forget Your law.(Psalm 119: 109) Amp.

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Translated, it means life is my choice, yet, I don't forget my Creator, His Son, His Spirit, His ways.  So what do I do with my choices?

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I will [not merely walk, but] run the way of Your commandments, when you give me a heart that is willing.  Teach me, O Lord, the way of Your statutes, and I will keep it unto the end steadfastly.  Give me understanding that I might keep Your law; yes, I will observe it with my whole heart. Make me go in the path of Your commandments, for in them do I delight.

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HOW:

 Incline my heart to Your testimonies, and not to covetousness [robbery, sensuality, unworthy riches]  Turn away my eyes from beholding vanity [idols andidolatry]; and restore me to vigorous life and health in Your ways.

Establish Your word and confirm Your promise to Your  servant, which is for those who reverently fear and devotedly worship You.(Psalm 119: 32-38) Amp.

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Your word have I laid up in my heart, that I might not sin against You.  (Psalm 119: 11) Amp.

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Look in Luke 8, the parable of the sower and the seed. We are looking at 11.

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Now the meaning of the parable is this:  The seed is the Word of God.  Then we go on and we see: But as for that in the good soil, these are [the people] who hearing the Word, hold it fast in a just, noble, virtuous and worthy heart, and steadily bring forth fruit with patience.(Luke 8: 11,15)  Amp.

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If I am taking His Word (the seed) and planting it in my heart, then I am as the land, and I must pay attention to how I am cultivated. I must learn what my job is and how to do it effectively.

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For there is nothing hid that shall not be disclosed, nor anything secret that shall not be known and come out into the
open.  Be careful therefore how you listen, for to him who has [spiritual knowledge] will more be given, and from him who does
not have [spiritual knowledge] even what he thinks and guesses and supposes that he has will be taken away.  (Luke 8: 17,18) Amp.